How to Speak so People Listen According to TEDx Coach
- Paola Pascual
- 6 hours ago
- 5 min read
What separates a decent speaker from a great communicator?
It’s not talent. It’s intention, practice, and knowing what your audience actually needs from you.
In a recent Talaera Talks episode, we spoke with Ruth Milligan, TEDx organizer, executive speech coach, and author of The Motivated Speaker. Over the past 15 years, Ruth has coached thousands of speakers, from scientists to CEOs, helping them go from idea overload to clear, powerful delivery.
Here’s what we learned about how to speak so people listen.
Why Strong Communication Skills Matter in Every Role
You don’t need to be on a stage to benefit from strong communication. As Ruth puts it:
“Communication is the fuel that gets your ideas to win.”
Moving from manager to director? You’ll need to clearly frame your value.
Want buy-in for your project? You’ll need to tailor your pitch to the decision-maker.
Trying to resolve a team conflict? You’ll need empathy, clarity, and trust-building.
Messaging is one of the steps, but influence, outcomes, and how others experience working with you are also key pieces of the puzzle.
And even outside of work, communication shows up: how you talk to your partner, kids, or friends.
If communication is a soft skill, make sure it’s the sharpest one you’ve got.
The #1 Communication Myth: “Some People Are Just Natural Speakers”
It’s easy to look at great speakers and assume they were born with it. But that’s a myth.
Even so-called “naturals” are just people who’ve had more exposure, feedback, or training. Even Olympic athletes have to train relentlessly to earn their medals. The same applies to public speaking.
Good communication requires practice, clarity, structure, and awareness of your audience.
Being a “natural” often just means being more comfortable with discomfort. And that’s something anyone can build.
6 Mindset Shifts That Turn Good Speakers Into Great Ones
Drawing from her new book, Ruth outlines six core ideas that separate strong communicators from the rest:
1 - Speaking is habitual.
Practice is invisible. Great speakers are just people who’ve practiced more, often in low-stakes settings. Think of every team meeting or update as reps, not pressure.
2 - Speaking is social.
If your message doesn’t land, it doesn’t matter how polished it was. Shift from “How do I sound?” to “What will they take away?”
3 - Speaking is embodied.
Delivery isn’t just words. It’s breath, eye contact, pacing, posture. Speaking is not supposed to be a script. Small physical changes can shift how you feel and how others respond.
4 - Speaking is messy.
Iteration is not failure. A great 10-minute talk might come from cutting 75% of what you originally wrote. Be ruthless in editing. Respect your listener’s time.
5 - Speaking has genres.
A panel needs flexibility. A town hall needs clarity. A podcast needs flow. Match your message to the moment.
6 - Speaking requires feedback.
Listening to yourself (as painful as it may be) is one of the fastest ways to improve. Record yourself and listen back. That’s how you’ll truly start learning. Consider 1:1 coaching, and ask others specific questions like, “Was anything unclear?” or “Did anything feel rushed?”
The Role of Storytelling in Professional Communication
Busy professionals often say, “I don’t have time to tell a story.”
But stories don’t have to be long. They just have to work.
You don’t need 10 minutes to tell a good story. You need 10 seconds and a reason.
“A story is a bridge between something you know and care about and something you don’t yet know and care about. It’s how you make unfamiliar ideas relatable. Find ways to reframe data and help people care about what you’re saying.”
A quick anecdote or metaphor can build that bridge faster than charts or slides. Storytelling isn’t fluff. It’s strategy. A story grabs attention, creates emotional context, and makes data or abstract ideas relatable. And no, it doesn’t have to be long.
“If I say, ‘I organized TEDx events for 12 years,’ that’s a story. Time, character, event, outcome. One sentence.”
So yes, you do have time to tell a story. In fact, you can't afford not to use it if you want your message to stick.
Anxiety and Filler Words: How to Stay Calm and Sound Clear
Dealing with Speaking Anxiety
Anxiety is not the enemy. It's a signal. Your job is to manage it, not eliminate it.
Preparation is your best friend.
Know the space: the agenda, the tech setup, even the parking situation. Know the context:
Who’s in the room? What’s at stake?
Know your key points cold. Write them out, then speak them aloud.
Know your material. Visualize the room. Anticipate the tech setup. Even knowing where to park can lower your stress response.
How to Avoid Filler Words
As for those pesky filler words (um, like, you know), the best way to fix them is to breathe. “You can’t say ‘um’ while breathing. Replace the filler with a pause.”
Silence feels longer to you than to others. A one-second pause gives your idea room to land and signals confidence.
Bonus: You’ll sound clearer and calmer.
Want to Speak So People Listen? Start Here
The best speakers don’t wing it. They’re intentional. They think about who’s listening, what they want to achieve, and how their message will land. It doesn't matter if you're giving a big presentation or just making a point in a meeting. Before you speak, these are the foundations to keep in mind:
Know your goal.
Before you speak, get clear: What do you want them to know, feel, or do by the end? One goal. One message. One outcome.
Think audience-first.
Don’t just say what you want to say. Say what they need to hear. Frame your message from their perspective: what matters to them, what language they use, what objections they might have. Important: consider cross-cultural differences!
Plan for stress.
Nervousness fades when you’re prepared. Check the room. Test the tech. Print a backup. These small things free your brain up to focus on your message.
Read the room.
If you're answering the wrong question or missing the mood, even a great delivery won’t land. Watch faces. Notice energy. Be ready to adapt.
Tell stories.
A quick example or personal story makes abstract points real. Even a one-line story gives your message color and makes it stick.
Pause instead of using filler words.
Silence adds clarity. Instead of “um” or “you know,” pause. It gives your ideas weight and your audience time to absorb them.
Wrapping It Up: What You Can Apply Today
You don’t need a spotlight or a stage. You just need the next conversation. Try one of these tactics now:
Before your next meeting: Ask, 'What’s the one thing I want them to walk away with?'
Prepping a presentation? Record yourself. Watch it once. Where do you drift? Where are you strongest?
Explaining something complex? Use a quick story, analogy, or example. If it feels hard to explain, revisit your thinking.
Notice filler words? Catch yourself. Breathe instead. Let the silence do some of the work.
Asking for feedback? Skip, 'Was it good?' Instead, try, 'What made sense? What didn’t? What would you want more of?'
Pick one. Practice it. Then build from there.
As Ruth said:
“You’re never done learning how to communicate. Every time you improve, you open more doors.”
About Ruth Milligan
📘 The Motivated Speaker distills decades of experience into clear, practical guidance for becoming a more confident, effective communicator. Grab your copy here.
🎧 Listen to the full Talaera Talks episode with Ruth Milligan on Spotify.
